(no subject)

[elfy]

it's really strange in the last days.
its going down more and more, as it seems.
with my nerves, my mood... but also not really. sometimes there are short glimpses of... fun and joy. but in general i really don't feel well in the last time. no good sign that i already don't feel well in the morning, normally thats an evening mood.
i finally wrote sylke, lets see how she will react.

my mothers birthday is soon and i don't have anything for her.
and i don't know what i could buy or make her.

i am in a permanent state of 'i could cry', thats... annoying.
i need money, i need time, i need a job (something where i learn something).

why do people think i am strong?
why do people think i am selfconfident, when i meet them?
why are there people who think i am arrogant?

i hope my birthday will be nice. at least i'll meet many friends then. but the full house will be stress also. i hope i can handle everything.

i think i would need a long, long holiday.
some time where i don't have to think about anything.

something completely different: i met 'drachenseele' i met on the yaoi ML in RL. she's a beautiful nice girl, but very shy. she'll come to my birthday also.

to my friends and everyone else who cares:
thanks for everything, i know that you are thinking of me and it helps. don't mind my babbling here to much, surely this phase will be over soon.

gna.
i just have this negative ans whiny entries in the last days... weeks.
sigh.

Comments

[lonna.livejournal.com]

i know where you're coming from, i have been feeling the same, but...when i think about it i have been not feeling well for years. there are periods where i am truely happy and cheerful, but most of the time i feel emotionally tired.

i have been trying out herbal pills and they seem to help somewhat, you could try them they're not expensive, you take 3 a day, one with every meal and they make you feel calm, stop the thoughts tumbling over. i am not sure what it's called in english or german, but we call it st. jan herbs, have a look, see if you can get it somewhere.
take care!!

Lona

[crowkeeper.livejournal.com]

a pill to make you numb
a pill to make you dumb
a pill to make you anybody else
but all the drugs in this world
won't save her from herself
(Marilyn Manson - Coma White)

[lonna.livejournal.com]

there is a HUGE difference between herbs that do you good and drugs that fuck with your head some more.

these just calm you down a bit. nature's gift to our fucked up thoughts.

[crowkeeper.livejournal.com]

First let me take a close look
>difference between: herbs that do you good
>drugs that fuck with your head some more.
obviously "Drugs" can be even replaced with medicine and still the herbs would be better off. The rhethoric turn lies in the appendage.
But let's not split hairs. I meant by citing the song part that first a way should be sought coping with the problems instead of taking herbs, or drugs or whatever. First question: why are "our" thoughts fucked up?

[elfy.livejournal.com]

i know them, i also have some, thank you very much for remembering me.
today i feel much better, don't know why.
and please... don't mind 'crowkeeper's posts. -_- he's my ex and his only intent seems to make me down more and more.
thanks for your comment.

no worries

[lonna.livejournal.com]

i didn't pay much attention to his waffles:)
i know i'm right and i don't feel the need to go into a useless discussion with people like that.

hope you're feeling better:)

attention, please!

[crowkeeper.livejournal.com]

Since you do not know me and my motivations, it is surprising that you call me "people like that".
Coming to think about it, how do you know that the discussion will be useless?
And in what are you right since we did not disagree?(->you proposed herb pills, I proposed thinking about the reasons for depressions first)

oh no...

[crowkeeper.livejournal.com]

No, "the crowkeeper" is really not interested in putting you down. I try to help you. And I don't think this can be achieved by being nice and wooly. If I wanted to put you down, I would start it different. Again, it is interesting that disagreement with you appears to you always as an expression of negative feelings. If I wanted to put you down, I would also not be so friendly to you in the "Steinbruch".

PEACE! HAPPINESS! DESTRUCTION!

[crowkeeper.livejournal.com]

> i need money, i need time, i need a job (something where i learn something).
In what direction do you want to learn?

>why do people think i am strong?
That may come from the aura of arrogance

>why do people think i am selfconfident, when i meet them?
That may come from the aura of arrogance

>why are there people who think i am arrogant?
Perhaps because you never answer when there is criticism brought to you.
Perhaps bc you take only a first look on what people say and do and directly judge then.
Perhaps bc you want all others to listen to everything you say and do.
Perhaps bc you act toward a person's opinion according to what you think of her.

To work this out a bit, after I made my first critic remarks here as anonymous, you shifted the comment section to "account users only", knowing that would be some trouble for me since my E-mail-add did not work at that time (so I could not verify an account).
If something bad happens to me, you state: "I am so very sorry of that." I cannot help to hear irony here. And so on and so forth.

If you would listen to me instead of just stating "I am what I am and I like not changing", perhaps something can be done by me.