(no subject)

[elfy]

it's really strange in the last days.
its going down more and more, as it seems.
with my nerves, my mood... but also not really. sometimes there are short glimpses of... fun and joy. but in general i really don't feel well in the last time. no good sign that i already don't feel well in the morning, normally thats an evening mood.
i finally wrote sylke, lets see how she will react.

my mothers birthday is soon and i don't have anything for her.
and i don't know what i could buy or make her.

i am in a permanent state of 'i could cry', thats... annoying.
i need money, i need time, i need a job (something where i learn something).

why do people think i am strong?
why do people think i am selfconfident, when i meet them?
why are there people who think i am arrogant?

i hope my birthday will be nice. at least i'll meet many friends then. but the full house will be stress also. i hope i can handle everything.

i think i would need a long, long holiday.
some time where i don't have to think about anything.

something completely different: i met 'drachenseele' i met on the yaoi ML in RL. she's a beautiful nice girl, but very shy. she'll come to my birthday also.

to my friends and everyone else who cares:
thanks for everything, i know that you are thinking of me and it helps. don't mind my babbling here to much, surely this phase will be over soon.

gna.
i just have this negative ans whiny entries in the last days... weeks.
sigh.