(no subject)
Jul. 6th, 2001 10:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
elfyi have to clean up here in a few minutes. i don't want it all looking messed up, when my mother comes back.
i still have to do so much things. yesterday i phoned this guy from the shop i was working in, that i am quitting, but he wasen't there, so i just spoke on his answering machine.
dirk wrote me again and i want to answer his mail, but not *now*, because then i'll maybe not have enough time to clean up. after that, if time is left, before my bf picks me up.
yesterday zorn and i made an instant rpg, because she felt like she wnted to hit someone (bad mood) and i don't wanted to risk that erin or damon get in trouble. it really wasn't hard or anything in the end.
my head is so full.
i wish my father would pay. i could pay back my depts and then my mother maybe wouldn't be constantly telling me to get a job. sure, i need one. i also want one. ok, i also want to just do what i want all day.
i don't like when people tell me what i have or should do over and over again. i know that. and it doesn't help, to tell me again and again.
sylke and tjulan are angry with me, they don't talk to me anymore right now. makes me sad, i didn't want to offend them or anything. all just because i was invisible for them for a day (and they found out i was on), because i was on even if said i wasn't (because then sylke uses my login and password, because hers doesn't work. i mean, she uses my flatrate and so she tried and tried and it didn't work) and because i didn't answer their emails (rpg) right when i got them, but i do so with zorns.
yesterday evening i wanted to get mails. to get comments just on something.
the pic i posted in the elfwood community for example, but noone even said hi.
i don't want myself looking for attention this much. i want to be satisfied with the attention i get (from my bf for example). i don't want to be jealous. i don't want to be sad because i am not the most important person to some others. i don't want to be lazy. i don't want to just sit here.
why is it so hard so just *do* something?
i still have to do so much things. yesterday i phoned this guy from the shop i was working in, that i am quitting, but he wasen't there, so i just spoke on his answering machine.
dirk wrote me again and i want to answer his mail, but not *now*, because then i'll maybe not have enough time to clean up. after that, if time is left, before my bf picks me up.
yesterday zorn and i made an instant rpg, because she felt like she wnted to hit someone (bad mood) and i don't wanted to risk that erin or damon get in trouble. it really wasn't hard or anything in the end.
my head is so full.
i wish my father would pay. i could pay back my depts and then my mother maybe wouldn't be constantly telling me to get a job. sure, i need one. i also want one. ok, i also want to just do what i want all day.
i don't like when people tell me what i have or should do over and over again. i know that. and it doesn't help, to tell me again and again.
sylke and tjulan are angry with me, they don't talk to me anymore right now. makes me sad, i didn't want to offend them or anything. all just because i was invisible for them for a day (and they found out i was on), because i was on even if said i wasn't (because then sylke uses my login and password, because hers doesn't work. i mean, she uses my flatrate and so she tried and tried and it didn't work) and because i didn't answer their emails (rpg) right when i got them, but i do so with zorns.
yesterday evening i wanted to get mails. to get comments just on something.
the pic i posted in the elfwood community for example, but noone even said hi.
i don't want myself looking for attention this much. i want to be satisfied with the attention i get (from my bf for example). i don't want to be jealous. i don't want to be sad because i am not the most important person to some others. i don't want to be lazy. i don't want to just sit here.
why is it so hard so just *do* something?
Inner Sanctum
Date: 2001-07-07 07:11 am (UTC)maybe the rain. You can hear the birds and the leaves. Each step you take is a step to the Inner Sanctum, the place where the self resides. While you ARE, you can never not be. And when you are no more, nothing else IS.
So why trying to be important?
The world that is around us is there for us to
move in. Everyone has his own world, only sometimes they overlap. Everyone can achive
something if they try, but be aware that everyone has to care most for his self, cause that's the only thing we always can rely on.
Don't be important. KNOW that YOU ARE.
So much philosophy from the wanderer ;) Hope it's not too strange.
BlueFire